While it is normal for some children to experience anxiety or panic on their first day of school, what to do if child doesn’t want to go to school is our topic of discussion today.
This article discusses school refusal, its causes, and what to do if child doesn’t want to go to school.
If your child is refusing to go to school, it is best to calm them down and have a conversation with them to find out why they are refusing. You then move on to the solution.
What is school refusal
School refusal is the term used to describe when a child misses one or more school days due to extreme upset or anger towards attending school.
For instance, if your child consistently refuses to go to school on a given day and keeps up the excuses, this is an example of typical school refusal, and you as a parent need to support your child.
I am aware that it can be quite challenging, particularly if your child is stubborn, but it is imperative to understand the cause of such school refusal and effective strategies for addressing it.
Prior to discussing what to do if a child refuses to go to school, although the reasons behind this vary from child to child, as a parent you must comprehend why this is occurring.
Signs of school refusal
- Having trouble sleeping
- Cry, yell, scream and throw tantrums
- Refuse to dress up
- Drag his feet by not moving
- Try hurting himself
- Pretend to be sick
- Show anxiety
- Hide or lock himself in the room
- Beg or plead not to go
What causes school refusal
The major causes of school refusal is anxiety.
Once a child develops an anxiety going to school, what follows next will be school refusal. Anxiety may come from the child being bullied at school, difficulty with the class teacher or even with his or her academics.
Once a child starts performing poorly in school, anxiety will set in and the desire to go to school will be drastically low. Now let’s take a look at some of the major causes of school refusal.
1. When a child is being bullied in school
If a child suddenly tell you he or she doesn’t want to go to school anymore, the first thing that comes into the mind will be if your child is being bullied by other students at school.
Sometimes the answer will be no, but quite a number of times the answer will be yes.
Once a child is bullied at school very often, this will reduce the desire for the bullied child wanting to go school.
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2. Poor academics performance
One of the worst experiences for a child is being ridiculed by other students in the class for doing poorly in class. To get a child to want to go to school, the child’s parents, the school counselor, and the class teacher must provide them with enough encouragement and motivation.
Poor academics performance can be quite demoralizing and in turn causes school refusal in kids and teenagers.
3. Poor social interaction
Poor social interaction is another major causes of school refusal especially in kids. Kids that are introvert tends to have a poor social interaction and it gets worse if they don’t have enough kids to play with at home or within the neighborhood.
If you noticed that your child always stay on it’s own and don’t interact or relate with fellow kids around, you as the parent needs to make your relate and interact with other fellow kids cause it will get worse when you enroll your child in school.
4. Public evaluation
You may actually think that the reason why your child blatantly refused to go to school is because he or she is being bullied at school, poor academics performance, poor social interaction, but not knowing that your child finds school very boring.
Then the question is why does your child feel like this?
This usually occurs when a child always stays at home watching the TV or playing games at home.
Once this trend continues it will be quite difficult for the child to stay for the number of school hours in a given day. This is why it is commendable to put away any sort of distraction from your house when it reaches school hour or period.
5. The class teacher is not friendly
A child may experience anxiety when it comes to going to school if their teacher is unfriendly.
Yes, I experienced it.
In elementary or primary school, I had a teacher who wasn’t very friendly. When a student doesn’t know the answer to a question that is posed during class, this teacher will always punish them.
I used to be afraid to go to school, but I never refused because there was nothing I could do but face my fears and put up with everything I saw at school.
However, unless your child is being bullied at school, there is no way your child won’t want to go if their teacher is friendly with kids, interact with them and makes them happy.
6. Depression
Some kids might be depressed and will blatantly refuse to go to school. Signs of depression that shows your child might be depressed are
- Avoiding school
- Withdrawal from social interactions
- Loss of interest in his favorite activities
- Unusual mood swings
- Loss of appetite
- Difficulty sleeping at night
- Lack of concentration
- Sudden withdrawal from people and places of interest.
7. Conflict at home
Sometimes troubles faced at home could cause school refusal. For example, if a parent is sick or a pet falls sick, the child may refuse to go to school so as to take care the problem. Sometimes if the parents are always fighting or recently got divorced, this could make the child lose interest in school.
Furthermore, death of a loved one or pet may be one of the reasons for school refusal.
8. Change of school
Changing your child’s school can make him refuse to go to school. A new school sometimes affects a child especially an introvert. Adapting to the change of school, new teachers, pupils and school environment might be difficult for your child and this could lead to school refusal
9. Relocation
Moving to a new home, location or another country may be why your child is refusing to go to school. It takes some time to be able to blend with the new environment. This change alone could affect your child’s interest especially going to school.
What to do if child doesn’t want to go to school?
1. Open Communication:
Discuss with your child their feelings with regard to school. Create a safe space for them to express their feelings and concerns. Ask them to share any worries or anxieties they may have.
2. Identify the Problem:
See if there’s a particular cause for their resistance. It might be due to social anxiety, bullying, academic difficulties, or other issues.
3. Meet with Teachers:
Arrange a meeting with your child’s teachers to talk about their academic achievement and any possible problems at school. Teachers can offer insightful advice.
4. Deal with Bullying:
In the event that bullying is a concern, collaborate with school personnel to swiftly resolve the matter. Make sure your child has a secure and encouraging environment.
5. Establish a routine:
Decide on a reasonable bedtime and wake-up time for each day and stick to it. Anxiety can be reduced by predictability.
6. Positive Reinforcement:
Highlight the positive aspects of school, such as friends, interesting subjects, or extracurricular activities. Offer rewards or incentives to motivate the child to attend regularly and reinforce the benefits of education.
7. Involve the Child in Decision-Making:
Allow your child to be part of decisions related to school, such as choosing extracurricular activities or organizing study sessions with friends.
8. Build Relationships:
Encourage your child to form positive relationships with classmates. Friendship can make the school experience more enjoyable.
9. Involve School Counselor:
If there are emotional or social concerns, involve the school counselor to provide additional support and guidance.
10. Monitor Screen Time:
Limit excessive screen time, as it can contribute to fatigue and impact overall well-being. Ensure a balance between leisure and academic activities.
11. Create a Supportive Environment:
Foster an environment at home where your child feels comfortable discussing their concerns and fears without judgment.
12. Celebrate Your Child’s Success:
Give your child credit for all of their accomplishments, no matter how small. Giving them encouragement can help them feel more confident.
13. Examine Extracurricular Activities:
Promote engagement in activities that they find enjoyable, helping them to feel connected to the school in ways that go beyond academics.
14. Observe Health:
Verify the child’s physical well-being. Chronic health problems may be a factor in a student’s lack of enthusiasm for learning.
15. Seek Professional Help:
If the child’s reluctance persists, consider consulting with a child psych like ologist or counselor to address underlying emotional or psychological issues.
Is it normal for a child to not want to go to school?
It is not normal for a child to not want to go to school because there is a reason for that and which you should know about that in order to help and motivate your child on going to school.
First day at school usually causes panic or anxiety for some kids especially kids between 3 years to 6 years. But if it is not first day at school panic but rather your child doesn’t want to go school, it is not normal.
There is something that is causing such refusal and as parent you need to find out.
Kindly note that it may not be due to bullying at school but other issues like your child doesn’t like interacting with other kids (poor social interaction) or your child is scared of going to school due to poor academic performance or not being able to understand what is taught in school.
What do you do when your 10 year old refuses to go to school?
Start by having an open and non-judgmental conversation with your child. Ask about their feelings towards school and try to uncover any specific concerns or anxieties. It could be related to social interactions, academic challenges, or even bullying.
If possible, meet with your child’s teacher to gain insights into their behavior at school. Collaborate with teachers and school staff to address any issues and create a supportive environment for your child. Implement a consistent morning routine to help ease the transition to school.
Positive reinforcement is crucial. Praise your child’s efforts and achievements, both academically and socially. Encourage extracurricular activities that they enjoy to boost their overall school experience.
If the reluctance persists, consider involving a school counselor or child psychologist to provide professional insights and strategies.
What can I do if my teenager refuses to go to school?
If your teenager refused to go to school, you need to take him or her to a professional counselor for a counseling.
There are many reasons why your teenager may refuse to go to school. As parent you need to first try to understand why your teenager refused to go to school, it may be due to bullying, being overwhelmed and stressed, poor academics performance or something serious which may require you changing school for your teenager.
1. Being stressed or overwhelmed
Too many things to do in school like exams, assignments, doing projects and waking up early is stressful and overwhelming.
2. Not being in control
Most teens feel that they want to be in control of their lives. They are fast developing and knowing what interests them, their motivations and goals and would like to make their own choices and decisions. Most times, schools do not give them that opportunity and this might lead to school refusal.
3. School is just about the outcome
Some teens feel going to school is just about getting good grades and excellent results. It is far from that because school imparts knowledge, values and skills which helps your teen in growth and development.
What can I do if my teenager refuses to go to school
The fact that your teen hates school does not mean that he can’t go back enjoying school. A few tips on how to motivate him to go to school.
- Don’t use threats
- Avoid lecturing him
- Explore solutions together
- Be patient with your teenage child
- Learn to listen to him
- Monitor and support him
- Set realistic expectations
- Create a consistent routine
- Make him feel relaxed
- Let your discussion not always be about school and academics.
- Acknowledge his efforts
- Make sure your home is emotionally safe
- Stay positive
- Explore passion projects
- Social skills development
- Peer mentoring
- Encourage your teenager.
- Consider professional help
Should I force my anxious child to attend school?
The simple answer is no. An anxious child’s academic performance is likely to suffer if they are forced to attend school.
If your child exhibits excessive anxiety when it comes to going to school, you should soothe them by telling them that school is actually quite enjoyable, especially when they participate in extracurricular activities and make new friends.
All you need to do is support your child; being overly strict will only make things worse. Unless they are being bullied at school, your child will need encouragement and motivation to get better over time, at which point the anxiety will subside
How do you motivate a child who hates school?
Understanding specific problems that a child has with school is essential to motivating them. Find out about their interests and challenges by having open discussions with them.
Consider extracurricular activities, find ways to connect their interests with their studies, and give them praise for even the smallest accomplishments.
Establish a nurturing atmosphere in your home, study with your child and work with educators to resolve any academic or social concerns.
Who do I call if my child refuses to go to school?
In this type of situation you have to call a professional counselor to have a counseling session with your child especially if matured enough.
School refusal can be very tiring for a parent especially when you have a very stubborn child, but a counselor or the class teacher will be a lot help to you.
If your 3 year, 4 year, 5 year old, 6 year, 7 year, etc doesn’t want to go to school, simply talk and listen to your child as to understand the situation and the reason for not wanting to go to school.
Lastly before I go, what to do if child doesn’t want to go to school? If your child refuse to go to school, it is good to calm the child and have a conversation with the child in order to find out the reason for not wanting to go to school. From there you proceed to the solution.
